I think that people “see” me differently.
I think this often.
People often tell me things like “you have such a beautiful life”, “you’re always so happy!”, “you are SO talented! How do you do it!?”, and “I wish I could be like you, live your life”.
These are all very flattering comments, don’t get me wrong.
I do believe that I have a beautiful life. I believe that life itself is beautiful.
Actually, I believe that life is what you make of it. You get what you give. Per my experience, this is a true statement… or as much truth as I know.
However, sometimes I think that the internet has a way of masking some reality to life. This is in no way a “poor me” or “my life is so awful” post. I feel like I am extremely blessed, and very fortunate for every single bit of my life. I have an amazing boyfriend, a job I love, well to be exact, two jobs I love, and I lead a very happy life.
A good friend once told me “you are a genuinely happy person… you’re lucky, that’s a pretty rare trait.” I, of course, argued with him that it wasn’t luck, that I just try to put into this world what I would like in return, and he of course said something like “yea, that’s the perfect Hallmark answer”. I laughed, and said I was being for real, and he said something like “I’m serious, not many people see the world like you do.”
This made me think. Am I a “happy person” because I choose to focus on the good things? Am I naive? Have I just been lucky enough to avoid any major hardship in this lifetime so far?
Maybe.
Maybe a little of all of it.
But then I think… times haven’t always been great. I work really hard to earn what I get, and to be where I’m at right now. Life hasn’t always been easy. I was not a silver spoon child, nor was I showered with expensive, lavish gifts growing up. I think that what I was given was something so much greater than all of those “things”. I was given more love than I could possibly ask for. I was given an amazing family who supported me and believed in me. I was given wisdom, and the tools to earn success. I was taught that hard work reaps great rewards. I was taught that you treat others how you want to be treated. (thanks Dad <3)
When I think about that, I feel really lucky.

I see some of my friends struggle. I see them helplessly try to make it out there in this world, and fail. Get up again, and fall on their face again.
These are the same friends who’s parents paid their way through school. Who I was extremely jealous of, because they have absolutely no debt for the education and degree that they received.
And then I look at my cards. The ones I’ve been dealt, the one’s I’ve held on to, and the one’s I’ve earned.
I have a pretty good hand.
I think it’s a combination of love, luck, perseverance, and effort.
I am not perfect. I have not been given anything other than love and support to work with. I am very blessed, but I deal with the same problems and hardships as a lot of others out there.
I have debt. I have bad days. I get stressed out really easily. I spill things on my favorite outfits. I trip and fall in front of LOTS of people. I mess up, make mistakes, often. I laugh at all of the wrong, and most inappropriate times. I judge others when I shouldn’t. I am stubborn. I always bite off more than I can chew. I butt into conversations, and cut people off, often. I worry too much. I worry about money too much. I set up goals for myself, and if I don’t achieve them, I beat myself up over it. Sometimes goals that are even 100% out of my control.

I don’t know everything. And I don’t want to. But I know enough.
I know that if I waste my time and energy focusing on everything that’s negative (which I could), then there would be no time or energy left to dedicate to the things that are good and positive in my life.
Dumping time and energy into negative things is like throwing them down the sewer. You will never see anything good come from that… but the landfill will always be there to haunt you. When you spend time focusing on the good, and focusing your energy into the positive things in your life, it’s like watering a garden. You can see the fruits of your labor grow and blossom into something beautiful, something tangible.
To me, the positive is addicting.
One time in high school, I was having a hard time. One of my friends, I noticed, was constantly being negative. When I was around her, I felt awful. Dull, dismal. I soon realized that she was constantly being negative. Towards herself, and others. I made a conscious decision to really try to be happy. Consciously make an effort to turn a negative into a positive, or to just be in a good mood. This made me think about things that I loved, and made me want to surround myself with those who were also positive people. When my friend noticed this, they accused me of being “fake”, and preceded not to talk to me. How can someone be angry with you for being happy? It wasn’t forced, yet I was making a conscious decision to focus on things that made me happy… Eventually, although I was never 100% sure of why… that “friend” and I stopped talking. It really hurt my feelings, for a really long time. We were really close, best friends even. And I didn’t know what happened. Maybe she was just too negative? Maybe I was coming off wrong. Regardless, I guess it doesn’t really matter.
I don’t really know what inspired me to write this entry, but I hope that it gives you a little bit of insight into who I am, and “why” I am “so happy all of the time”.
It’s hard for me to be around negativity. I see it so clearly, dragging people down, weighing the world down, and my natural instinct is to first, try to nurture the negative. Help those people see things in a more positive light. But after so much negative feedback, regardless of the positive I try to throw in, some people just never cheer up. And so, it seems, my sunshiny rays of happiness are being sucked into a dismal abyss, and nothing is reflected back. This becomes almost as dangerous to me, as throwing something down into the sewer. If you see no fruit, no glimmer of hope… what’s left there but a happy-sucking-siren? To be quite honest, it’s exhausting. I don’t like giving up on these people, because they are often people who I know and love. But sometimes, for my own sanity and health, I know that I need to take a break from the situation. It’s kind of a catch-22.
Anyways, this has gotten to be MUCH more extensive than I started it out to be… and i’m exhausted! I have 2 shoots tomorrow- an engagement, and a newborn, and I still need to make sure my batteries are charged and my beanbag is stuffed, so I’d better hop off to bed!
Thanks for listening.
Oh, and I love you Dad, happy Father’s day.
Thank you for the love. And the lessons <3




























































































YUMMY!!!